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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?